70 Questions to Ask Your Long-Distance Boyfriend or Girlfriend (Fun, Deep and Daily)

When you're long distance, conversation does most of the work that sharing a couch would do. The right questions keep it from shrinking down to "how was your day?" on repeat.

These 70 questions to ask your long-distance partner cover daily check-ins, fun, deep topics, the future and the relationship itself, plus questions for before and after a visit. For things to do on your calls as well as talk about, see our FaceTime ideas for couples.

What research says about long-distance conversations

There's good news here. In a diary study by Crystal Jiang and Jeff Hancock, long-distance couples talked less often than couples who lived close, but felt more intimate when they did. Part of the reason was that they shared more about themselves.

There's a warning, too. Research by Laura Stafford and Andy Merolla found that long-distance partners tend to idealize each other, and the couples who idealized most had a harder time once they lived in the same place. That's why the list below includes ordinary questions about bad days and annoyances, not just romantic ones. The everyday stuff keeps your picture of each other real.

Daily check-in questions

1. What was the best part of your day?
2. What's one thing that annoyed you today?
3. What did you eat today that I'd love?
4. What made you think of me today?
5. What's on your mind right now?
6. What's one thing you're looking forward to this week?
7. How did you sleep?
8. Who did you talk to today?
9. What song have you had on repeat?
10. Is there anything I can do to make tomorrow easier?

Fun questions

1. If we could teleport for one hour, where would we go?
2. What's the first thing you'll do when we're together again?
3. What's a movie you want us to watch together?
4. What would your perfect lazy Sunday with me look like?
5. What's your most useless talent?
6. If you could swap lives with me for a day, what would you do first?
7. What's the weirdest thing you've Googled lately?
8. What's your guilty-pleasure TV show?
9. If we had a theme song, what would it be?
10. What's something you're secretly good at?
11. What's one food you'd make me try in your city?
12. What would we be like as a couple in a movie?
13. If we opened a business together, what would it be?
14. What's one thing you'd want to learn together?
15. What's your go-to karaoke song?

Fun questions are a good warm-up for a call. If the conversation still stalls, switch to one of the online games for couples who live apart, like a live round of Battleship.

Deep questions

1. When do you feel most loved by me?
2. What's something you've never told anyone?
3. What's the hardest part of being apart for you?
4. When did you first know you liked me?
5. What's a fear you have about us?
6. What do you need more of from me right now?
7. What's a memory of us you think about often?
8. How have you changed since we met?
9. What's something you wish I asked about more?
10. What does a good relationship look like to you?
11. What's one thing you're proud of that you don't talk about?
12. What do you find hardest to say out loud?
13. When do you feel closest to me, even from far away?
14. What's a belief you've changed your mind about?
15. What makes you feel safe with someone?

Future questions

1. Where do you see us in a year?
2. When do you think we'll close the distance?
3. Which city could you see us living in?
4. What would our first home look like?
5. How do you feel about moving for a partner?
6. What would our ideal weekend look like when we live together?
7. What traditions do you want us to have?
8. What's one big trip you want us to take?
9. How do you picture our life in five years?
10. What matters most to you when we finally live together?

Questions about the relationship

1. How often do you want to talk each day?
2. Do you prefer calls, texts or voice notes?
3. What makes you feel ignored?
4. How should we handle it when one of us is busy?
5. What's one thing we do well as a couple?
6. What's one thing we could do better?
7. How do you like to make up after an argument?
8. What do you need when you've had a bad day?
9. How do you feel about our visit schedule?
10. Is there anything you've wanted to bring up but haven't?

Ask these when you're both calm, not in the middle of an argument. They're easier to answer when nothing is wrong.

Before and after a visit

1. What do you want to do first when we see each other?
2. Is there anything you're nervous about for this visit?
3. Do you want a busy visit or a lazy one?
4. What's one thing you want to show me in your city?
5. What was your favorite part of our visit?
6. Was there anything about the visit you didn't enjoy?
7. What should we do differently next time?
8. How are you feeling now that we're apart again?
9. When should we plan the next one?
10. What surprised you most about being together again?

How to use these questions without it feeling like an interview

• One or two a day is plenty. Slip a question into a normal call instead of working through a list.
• Answer it yourself too. Questions feel like a conversation when both people share.
• Match the mood. Save the deep and future questions for a relaxed weekend call, not a rushed lunch break.
• Use text for the easy ones. Daily check-ins work well as a morning text. Our games to play over text are another way to keep things light between calls.
• Follow up. If they mention something hard, ask about it again in a day or two.

Want to turn questions into a whole evening? Our virtual date ideas include a structured conversation date and plans for different time zones.

Pick one question for tonight's call, and answer it yourself first. Distance makes you ask more. That can be one of the good parts.

Related reading

• Things to Do on FaceTime With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend: 45 Ideas for Long-Distance Calls
• 21 Games to Play Over Text With Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend (No App Needed)
• 75 Never Have I Ever Questions for Couples (Funny, Flirty and Clean)