Save the Date Etiquette: Who Gets One, Plus-Ones, Kids and the Rules You Can Break

Save the date etiquette comes down to one idea: a save the date is a promise. It tells someone they're invited, months before the invitation. Most of the rules below follow from that. This guide is part of our complete save the date guide, which also covers timing, wording and design.

Rule 1: everyone who gets a save the date gets an invitation

This is the rule with no exceptions. Once a save the date is sent, you can't un-invite someone without hurting them. So finalize your "definitely" list before you send anything.

Zola's planning editors suggest splitting your list into an A list and a B list, and sending save the dates only to the A list. If the venue has room later, B-list guests get an invitation with no save the date, and nobody will think twice about it.

Rule 2: one per household, with every invited name

Send one save the date per household, not one per person. How you address it tells guests who's invited, so be precise.

For a digital save the date sent by text or email, the same logic applies to the message: "Hi David and Jen!" says the kids aren't included; "Hi Lee family!" says they are.

Rule 3: decide plus-ones and kids now

The save the date is where guests first learn whether they're bringing someone. It's much easier to add a plus-one later than to take one away, so if you're unsure, leave it off and decide by the invitation.

• Plus-ones: Common practice is to give them to married, engaged and long-term partners, and to members of the wedding party. Write "and Guest" or the partner's name if they get one.
• Kids: Parents need months to arrange childcare, especially for travel. If it's adults-only, say so kindly on your website and in the invitation.
• New partners: If someone starts dating after the save the dates go out, you can add their partner to the invitation if you'd like. You don't have to.

For kind phrasing, see our guides to adults-only wedding wording and the no-plus-one version.

Who should get a save the date?

• Close family and the wedding party (yes, even though they already know)
• Your officiant
• Guests who need to travel or book time off
• Anyone on the A list
• Not: "maybe" guests, coworkers you're still deciding about, or plus-ones you haven't confirmed

Digital save the date etiquette

Digital save the dates are widely accepted now, and they solve real problems: they arrive the same day, they don't get lost in the mail and guests can add the date to their calendar in one tap. A few etiquette points make them feel as personal as paper:

1. Send one message per household, not a group chat. Group messages expose everyone's numbers and get buried.
2. Add a personal line. "Aunt Sue, we can't wait to see you there" beats a bare link.
3. Think about older guests. For grandparents, consider a printed card or a phone call too. See our tips for digital invitations and older guests.
4. Check the link works on an older phone before you send it to everyone.

Planning the format? Compare costs and sending methods in digital vs paper save the dates.

What if your plans change?

• New date: Send a short, clear update to everyone who got a save the date as soon as you know: "Change of date: we're now getting married on October 16, 2027." A digital update reaches everyone the same day.
• New venue in the same city: No need to send anything; the invitation will have the venue.
• Postponed indefinitely: Tell guests promptly and say a new date will follow.
• Called off: A short, private message is enough. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Timing questions? Our save the date timeline shows exactly when to send them for any 2027 date.

Tricky save the date questions, answered

• Coworkers: Only send to coworkers you're certain to invite. Don't send to the whole team and hope the venue is big enough.
• Someone who definitely can't come: Send it anyway if they're invited. It tells them they're wanted, and the invitation follows.
• Exes and complicated relatives: If you haven't decided, don't send yet. A save the date can't be quietly withdrawn.
• Elopements and courthouse weddings: Skip the save the date. Send an announcement afterwards, or a save the date for the party if you're having one.
• Guests you've told in person: Send one anyway, so the date is in writing and in their calendar.
• Different lists for different events: If some guests are invited to the welcome dinner and others only to the wedding, keep the save the date to the wedding date. Event-by-event details come with the invitation.
• Sending to someone's new address: Ask a mutual friend or family member rather than guessing. With digital, you only need a current phone number or email.

The common thread: send a save the date only when you're certain, and say exactly who it's for.

Etiquette for guests: what to do when you get one

• You don't need to reply unless the couple asks you to. The RSVP comes with the invitation.
• Do put it in your calendar right away, and start looking at travel if needed.
• If you already know you can't come, a kind note to the couple helps them plan.
• Don't assume a plus-one that isn't written on it.

Ready to send yours? Browse Eventic save the date designs, personalize one in minutes and send each household its own link.

Related reading

• Save the Date Ideas: How to Choose, Word and Send Digital Save the Dates for a 2027 Wedding
• Destination Wedding Save the Dates: When to Send Them, What to Include and Wording Ideas
• When to Send Save the Dates: The Timeline for Local, Destination and Holiday Weddings